I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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