so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
