Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
