im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
