you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
i need some magic done to my vagina
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
