What did we do last night that was yellow?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
