my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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