i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
