She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
