i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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