and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
