dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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