Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
