she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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