I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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