the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
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