Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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