if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
