Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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