there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
She even gives head with a lisp.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
