I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
