Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
