Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
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