what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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