where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
