Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
