well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
