Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
