My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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