idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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