Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
