I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
