Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
