do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
