i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
