I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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