are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
