Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
