Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
