I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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