I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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