Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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