I'm laying in your front yard are you home
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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