lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
