You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
