How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
