Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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