I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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