Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Randomize
