Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
