Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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